Finding Your Naseeb: Tips for Intentional Matchmaking
Finding the right spouse can feel daunting, especially if you’ve been to countless speed dating events that left you feeling stuck in a loop. And for those of us constantly reminded that our “biological clock is ticking,” the pressure is even greater. But don’t worry—we’ve got you covered! Here’s a surefire way to connect with people who are intentional about marriage and meaningful connections.
The Person Who Dresses to Impress
When someone shows up dressed to impress, they’re not just making a fashion statement—they’re showing intention. Appearance speaks volumes about a person’s mindset. Just like the saying, “We eat with our eyes before our mouths,” we’re often attracted to someone’s presentation before we even get to know their personality.
A person who takes the time to look their best demonstrates care and effort—two traits that translate well into a serious relationship. You deserve someone who prioritizes you, listens to you, and looks at you like you’re the only person in the room. If they’re willing to go the extra mile to present their best self, they’re likely to carry that same energy into making you their life partner.
Bonus Tip: Smelling good is tied to memory and attraction! Being clean, presentable, and smelling great isn’t just a bonus—it’s essential for leaving a positive first impression. And yes, this applies to both men and women!
Men, if your wardrobe hasn’t evolved since college, it’s time for a change. A woman who loves you might help you pick out clothes, but if every gift is another sweater or jacket, take the hint—it’s time to upgrade your style. Start with clean basics: a black shirt, khaki or blue pants, and matching shoes. Stick to simple, coordinated colors. Less is more.
Asking the Right Questions
So instead of talking to someone for a month, spilling all your naked truths, and then realizing you’re not compatible—it’s time to switch gears. Ask the questions that matter, but do it with a light touch. Nobody wants to feel like they’re on trial when they’re just trying to vibe and spark interest. Remember, speed dating is a thing of the past. Here are some intentional, yet fun, questions to help you connect without the stress.
“You give me two cats, a Toyota Highlander, and one boy/one girl mom vibes—how many kids do you want?”
This question makes the other person smile and feel safe. It’s playful, yet it plants a seed of imagining life together. That initial spark of comfort is key. Plus, it lets you know early on if they already have kids from a previous marriage or if their family plans align with yours. These conversations can be sensitive, especially for women, so tread lightly and use humor to ease into the topic.
“If I may say, you carry yourself beautifully. May I ask what you’re looking for in a life partner?”
This is your golden ticket to understanding someone’s core values. This person might state that they are looking for: a particular racial preference, someone with a provider mindset, or someone disinterested in having children. If they’re looking for traits or qualities that don’t align with who you are, you’ll know early on to gracefully move on. Transparency saves you time and heartache.
The key is balance: thoughtful, engaging, and respectful. It’s not about interrogating—it’s about creating a moment that feels genuine and natural. These questions open the door for honest dialogue without overwhelming the other person.
Tips for Success
Be Observant: Compliment something about them first. It sets a positive inviting tone.
Make Playful Assumptions: This makes the question feel personal and thought out.
Keep It Open-Ended: Invite them to share their perspective and opinions rather than give one-word answers. Although, if you receive one word answers regardless, cut your losses they might not be interested in the conversation.
The Sandwich Method for Conversations
When in doubt, use this simple formula for great conversations:
Compliment/Observation + Light Assumption + Open-Ended Question
Examples:
“You’re so well-dressed! Are you always this put together?”
“That looks delicious! How are you enjoying the event so far?”
“You give me travel blogger vibes! Do you like to travel?”
Be respectful, and if you sense discomfort, redirect or give space. Not everyone is extroverted, and creating a comfortable environment is key.
Have Fun and Stay Present
Sometimes, we get so focused on finding “the one” that we forget to enjoy the process. Take a breath. You’re here for a reason. Allah (SWT) doesn’t make mistakes—you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
Use the time to network and build meaningful connections. Whether it’s a potential spouse, a future travel buddy, a business partner, or a lifelong friend, there’s always something valuable to gain. And hey, don’t forget to snag those gift cards while you’re at it!
At Halal Harmony Canada, we pride ourselves on creating events that bring you closer to your deen while fostering lasting relationships. So, eat, mingle, and most importantly, have fun.
May your next event be the start of something beautiful, insha’Allah.
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