Baba… Wallahi I wish I was good enough for you.
Good enough for you to stay when I begged,
Good enough for you to shield me from demons,
Disguised in ordinary clothes, used to defile and humiliate me.
Good enough for you to hold me,
When I cried myself to sleep each night,
After you left without explanation.
Ya Baba, I knew I wasn’t enough for you,
When I asked for help,
And you said, “Sorry, I can’t be part of a family that's garbage.”
You're garbage.
I used to believe love was torment,
Because the love I sought from Baba was filled with pain.
But I’ve learned that real love doesn’t hurt.
To chase a love,
To pour into it, even when my own cup is empty,
To feel inadequate,
Unconsidered,
Underappreciated,
Is not love I need to entertain – even if it's from family.
I know now that love is the highest form of consideration,
Love is celebrating the wins and weeping the losses together,
Love is hard work.... the hardest.
I know now that love isn’t one-sided,
Even from a parent.
I know now that love isn't about knowing your exceptional,
But making yourself fit into a small box, anyways.
I know now that love is unconditional,
Because the Highest deems no sin worth unloving you for.
I know now, I was always good enough.
I was just surrounded by those who weren't strong enough,
To love me the way I love myself back.
To anyone who has ended up here, know this:
Love isn't what’s taught in stories,
On TV, or in movies.
Love is food for the soul.
The minute it becomes toxic to our Iman,
Our Ibadah,
And our growth,
It’s no longer love – it’s torment.
If you're ready to find the love you deserve,
One that honors your faith and your worth,
Try us at HalalHarmonyCanada.com.
Because you were always good enough,
And we're here to help you find the one who knows it too
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