In the Muslim community, the topic of mehr often feels like a sensitive subject. From social media suggesting absurd amounts to sheikhs advising caution, the conversation around mehr can be intimidating. Some might say that asking for $100K is crazy, while others might just want a cat instead. On the other hand, parents and elders often emphasize the importance of requesting something substantial, like money, property or gold, to ensure your security.
At Halal Harmony Canada, we understand how tough this decision can be. To help make the process easier, we’ve put together 2 formula's to help you set a reasonable mehr amount that aligns with both your needs and your partner’s financial situation.
What is Mehr?
Simply put, mehr is a gift— A requirement for Islamic marriage. Unlike dowries in other cultures or religions, mehr is a gift given by the groom to the bride, and it is her Islamic right. The amount or form of mehr is not determined by the groom or the bride's family but is solely the bride's decision.
Mehr can be anything, from gold and property to a lump sum of money or even something unconventional, like a cat. However, we don’t recommend asking for a cat as your mehr, because it is a form of financial security. It’s a gift that cannot be taken back if the marriage is dissolved or if the husband passes away, abandons the marriage, or behaves abusively.
The concept of mehr exists because, historically, when a woman married, she left the financial security of her home. In the time of the Prophet (PBUH), many women couldn’t own property or money without a husband’s presence. In modern times, mehr serves as a safeguard for women who may find themselves in challenging situations, such as being out of the workforce for years or needing to support children, if abandoned.
How Much Mehr Should You Ask For?
Deciding on the right mehr amount can be challenging. To help, we’ve developed a few formula examples that are reasonable in price and can be paid over a few months or years.
Mehr Formula 1: The Bulk Sum Formula:
This formula is based on your current expenses. Consider the major costs you currently cover with your earnings, such as car payments, insurance, rent, or tuition. Multiply the total by 6-12 months, depending on your preferences. This approach assumes that after marriage, your husband may take on some of these expenses, so you’ll be financially covered.
Example A:
Insurance ($500/month) + Car payment ($280/month) x 12 months = $9,360 (Round up to $10,000)
Example B:
Rent ($2,000) + Car insurance ($300) x 12 months = $27,600(Round up to $30,000)
Mehr Formula 2: The 30% Formula:
This formula considers your spouse's financial situation. Before setting your mehr, it’s essential to have an open discussion about finances. Knowing your partner’s financial status is crucial for a healthy marriage, as it impacts how you’ll be supported and how expenses will be shared. In his formula, you take 30% of your husband's annual income (after taxes) as a basis for the mehr.
Example A:
Husband earns $50,000/year x 0.30 = $15,000 mehr
Example B:
Husband earns $100,000/year x 0.30 = $30,000 mehr
Final Thoughts
No matter which formula you choose, always be considerate of your partner’s financial situation. Discussing and agreeing on mehr is a step toward building a strong foundation for your marriage. It’s also a good idea to seek marriage counseling and to consult with an imam for guidance on when mehr may need to be returned.
At Halal Harmony Canada, we’re here to support you every step of the way. Let’s work together to ensure that your mehr decision is both thoughtful and practical.
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Tbh any man not willing to pay Mehr is a red flag